either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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