You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We are two peas in an std pod
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
