Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
