My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
