Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
