It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
