I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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