Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
