can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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