Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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