I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
