my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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