Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My ATM looks so different sober.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My penis needs a shock collar
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
