I just made out with a guy for $7.
it hurts more in the daytime
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
