And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
