No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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