I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
