I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
