just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
