Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
cat food counts as protein by the way
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
