so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
