I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
