she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Two words: blizzard sex
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
