i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
