i may or may not be watching the land before time
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
