I bet he comes in French.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
