Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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