he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
