the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
