If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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