Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So vagazzling was a success
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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