A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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