watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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