I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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