Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
