the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
