I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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