I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
