Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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