youre lurking in front of me
look no pants
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
