If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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