Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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