please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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