woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He passed out mid-signature
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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