so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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