I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
