Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
