i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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