I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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