just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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