Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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